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Of Big and Tall and Buttons

July 15, 2006

We arrived home late last night from our vacation in the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area of Tennessee, and I’ll be posting on the trip sometime next week. I’ve got a paper due in the writing class I’m taking, as well as a mid-term exam due in the my statistics class, and since I didn’t work on either while vacationing for a week, I am very much behind. To top it off, we have a family reunion with SWMBO’s family and dinner with my parents tonight. But I did want to post a quick something, at least, just to make it appear the site is still alive.

While on our trip, I noticed a tag on a new pair of shorts I bought (actually, SWMBO bought for me), and found it just a touch humorous. I won’t go into the waist size of the pants, being somewhat in denial, but I will say that if you are a manufacturer of short pants, when you hit those waist sizes you are being pretty optimistic slapping on a label that says “hiking short.” That said, I did put a surprising number of miles on the shorts going up and down the streets of Gatlinburg, and when you are in the mountains, the “up” part can get fairly up. Maybe their optimism paid off.

But more importantly, I wanted to make mention of something else to the manufactures of clothes for the “Big and Tall” folks. (Ever notice, by the way, the catalogs always have the “tall” guy modeling the clothes, never the “big” guy — but I digress). When you are working on those big guys pants, please pay extra attention to the front button-sew’er-on’er-person’s comp & bennie package.

At a guess, the floor-person doing the manufacturing of clothing isn’t generally enjoying a high-paying career, and I don’t recall any mention of button–sew’er-on’er on career day those many years ago in high school. I’d also doubt it requires an advanced degrees to handle the job. So perhaps top dollar, CEO level pay isn’t the norm for such positions, but while that may be acceptable for the laborer doing the hem or sewing shut the bottom of the pocket, the person sewing on that front button should be the highest paid person at the company.

Thing is, if you remember the denial idea above, most all of us fat folk tend to avoid the necessary move up in size of pants. We’ll huff and puff and strain to absurd lengths to close those things and keep from admitting the need to move up a size, and if that new-purchase denial hits at the same time as the start of a vacation, then these front closure buttons can see stress levels exceeding those of the cables holding up the San Francisco Bay bridge. A critical thread failure after an evening of spinach and artichoke heart appetizer, 14 ounce prime rib, baked potato, chocolate mousse, and a nice cab would not only be embarrassing, but could well do permanent eye damage to the waitperson bringing the after-dinner mints.

So please, with a job this important — even if it adds a buck or two to the cost of the “hiking” shorts — make sure only the best of the best put thread to button on those pants. You’ll be doing us all a favor.

From → Ramblings

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